QUICKIE...

I am loosing my Mind. So is my Bed. where. I lay. The knocking the screaming. the excitement. The Laughter. The gnawing. The Last breath that comes right after you finish. The everlasting Sleep.

I miss this..

Dinner for one.....

bury me deep. deep in the sand. would you like the honors? its coming. no need to get sad. you will have plenty of time to think about this once i am gone. am i worried? no. i never wanted a funeral. i always wanted a pool party instead. i hate the water. i want people to rejoice. play. be happy. make Love. your sadness makes me sad. i am not sad. you should not be either. the things that have happened have happened for a reason. we started dying the minute we were born. some of us faster than others. im going somewhere far away.simple things will matter. the wind in my hair. the sun on my skin. the breath in my lungs. the slightest touch. the everlasting kiss. its somewhere close. somewhere where words mean nothing. the written word means nothing. all of this will pass. time heals Everything. there will be people there lovely as ever before. they will laugh with me. dream with me. they want to start over again just as i do. the  no need for drugs anymore. no need for Help anymore. no need for pity. lost. lost no more. look back in Silence. i so wished i would have done things differently. well not really. im a fighter. i fight. Hard. so many things i would have changed. this part of Life is over. nothing is easy. i broke my Vow. long ago. we all can start again. all of us can be Young once more. there comes a point in life where you just have to accept things for the way they Play out. the sign was there and you walked right past it. look up. its all around you. be patient. enjoy what is around you. enjoy the bad. learn from it. walk away but never forget. Smile.... something better is waiting for You...

dig
dig
dig
dig
dig
Dig

I wish you could see this smile on my Lips....

I can't think of anymore to Say...

LIFe as I see IT

Live he said LIVE!
So i did.
I'm trying everyday to stay ALive..


The first man i ever fell in love with was when i was three. i remember being outside in the hot July sun in my kiddy pool, lying there, almost dead in excitement. His name was Richard. i called him Daddy. We lay there together in a pool of water. It was my first memory of him. my first memory Ever. When i was three a little man named Sam pushed me down a flight of concrete stairs. i fell to my death the First time. i knew there were more to come. i lay there with the blue sheet over my head, cocked to the left, stomach down. i told him to not let the men stick me with any needles. he promised he wouldn't let them hurt me. thank you Daddy. i took 34 pricks to the head that day of who knows what. my brain was all over the table. when i was 11 i pranced my way away from all the other kids. i pranced my way to my second death. i slipped. i fell. i opened up my brain all over the brick wall that kissed me ever so gently. Daddy, help.


"WHEN I WAS 16 I FOUGHT DEATH AGAIN. THAT LUMP ON MY BACK. THE CANCER. THE GUILT.  the torn spine. the hospital. the nurses named Joan. THE PAIN. THE PAIN THE PAIN THE PAIN THE PAIN THE PAIN THE PAIN. THE TEARS THE TEARS THE TEARS THE TEARS THE TEARS. NO DADDY."


His name was brian. I was 22.  i fell in love for the second time. his chivalry. his charisma. i wanted him. i had him. where is all this blood from? am i dying. this doesn't happen to women like me. MISCARRIAGE. MISCARRIAGE MISCARRIAGE. MISCARRIAGE.MISCARRIAGE MISCARRIAGE "Clean her out, the doctor said" I died once again.


Relief. Abandonment. Loneliness.






His name was Brad. He made me who I am. He opened me up to your sexuality.


His name was Charles. He was my Husband. He loved 19year old women more then he Loved me.


His name was Jeff. His heart was Gold. I was a Bitch. I had the best. I listened to others and not Him. I was growing up. He wasn't.


His name was Josh. He didn't like my Smoking habit. He loved to fight. I was so mean to him. i still am. He left bruises in the shape of hearts all over me.

"SHE'S DYING. JUST TAKE HER TO THE HOSPITAL. SHE BELONGS THERE. GET HER TO A DOCTOR NOW. CALL 911. NO ONE SHOULD BE IN THAT MUCH PAIN. hello mam', what is your emergency?. Death is on its way. 3 minutes."

not afraid to never wake up anymore
acceptance
denial
pain
pain
pain
pain
pain

DADDY;
im falling to my Death again.

UnFINISHED Projects

Subjects to Focus on but never ComPLEted


A) Fuck, why do I  need Alcohol to watch you? To speak to you? Am I turning into my Mother? You are so much more Entertaining when I am drinking....

B) Sex

C) Needy Men who call themselves Women

D) The Last Man on the Left is about to "Detonate". Forcefully, enticing Nature.

E) Masturbation is only Temporary

F) Flush me away...Ass Spread

G)"Do you like your Job?" I sure as Hell don't like Mine.

H) My name is -----------------

I) "In addition to the Soups on the menu we are also serving "God damn you are a Bitch", followed by our Daily Entree which consists of a little "Suck on This You Ignorant Rat", and finally our Special Dessert, cherry on top and all of a most tantalizing "Go Fuck yourself".....

J) A female Jerk of Circle.

K) I never think I can Cum twice in a row,
then I think of you,
 yell your name out loud while I pleasure myself and I am proven otherwise,


L) You were so beautiful till I looked down and saw your Left Hand. you were so beautiful until you introduced me to your girlfriend. you were so beautiful until you told me i had to loose 10 pounds to be perfect. you were so beautiful until i saw you with another man. you were so beautiful the way your words made me hungry for more. you were so beautiful how you use to make me fantasize about feeling plausibly Complete.... 

M) You're Killing Me now.
 I won't be denied by you,
 the Animal inside of You. 

N) You should come over to my House and Paint my Nails Black

O) One Last Jump with Me Myself and I. All it takes is One person to understand. only One person to change the Minds of Millions. Only one...

P) People like you and I live many Lives. Maybe the next one....

Q) Q & A with all 30

R) Rape behind my building......

S)
T) Tragic Loneliness is Boring
U)

V)
W)
X) Beano XOXO
Y) Don't Moan, Learn to Scream. Yell
Z)

aLONe

Oh, my Anger has got the Best of me.
My style has come and Gone,
I walked Alone tonight,
Wondering.

Messages sent,
Nothing.

Are you lonely?
Are you alone?

You may think...
but it it is not what I think.

You are Sad....
You are Alone...
You are fucking...
You are Gone?

The Hand on my Skin is not Yours,
the ruffle on my break is not not wet,
the stabbing ache in my Heart wonders,
the blessed Soul of my Lust breaks.

You do not know me,
until you try to understand me.

Your understanding of your Past has led you to
now
Your understanding of a Woman has led you to find a Man to make you Whole.
Wonder what it's like?
Me too.

I miss the Break,
I miss the Late,
I miss the End,
I miss the Start.

Wonder where you are tonight?

Its been 32 days today since we met Last.
Are you Hungry?
Are you Thirsty?

Were you only intrigued because you thought you could not have Me?

You still can't.
That moment was just a moment.

Do we have more to offer?
Are you Alone in your thoughts of Her,
wondering?
Does your tyrant ache to be released
of the pressure built by utter ignorance?
Does your Heart break?

Are you Alone tonight?

Mine does,
this Heart.
This mind.

Where did the ignorance go wrong,
pity....

Step out of your Spotlight
Welcome to Reality.

We are waiting for you,

Wake Up,
Sir.

Welcome.......

WANDERLUST

It's another gray Sunday
and you have left me raw,
exhausted,
and to full.

My feet itch.

I'm looking at my book of places and all I want to do is go.
Each page I flip
is a place I haven't been to yet,
a sight that hasn't filled my eyes
with contented wonder and awe yet,
a scent that hasn't teased and tantalized my pheromones yet.

I want to lay my hands all over this Earth.

I want
to stare down the vistas of Central America
as she trembles under my lecherous gaze.

I want to trace my fingertips around the faded
thousand-year old alphabets on ancient Libyan desert cave walls,
then gently press my parted lips to every last freckle
in the mosaic-tired floors of Morocco.

I want to lick that addictive sweet nectar
from Khanpur's poppy-petaled valley,
pleasure every last glacier
as they melt beneath my tongue.

I want to tongue the scars of Machu Picchu,
dirty dance with Venezuela,
sit on Cannon Mountain's great stone face,
caress the swollen aching hills of Scotland,
and clamp my teeth down hard at their tip,
strip Southeast Asia down
and walk her stretch marks around China,
erected brick by brick from the labors of her body.

I want to keep Paris and London and Berlin
and Istanbul and Rio de Janeiro up all night.

I want to learn Greek-
alpha and omega and crazy eights-
and spell it out with my hips on Athen's tip.

I want to float on Indian Ocean's buoyancy
as he yanks my hair through his currents
and thrust his salty fluids down my open throat.

And finally,
to climb and pant and force my way to release
at Nepal's peak where together we stretch our bodies,
rigid and tense, as close to Nirvana
as they'll reach.

But
I'm still here,
sitting on my couch,
my book of places dog-eared and coffee-stained in my lap.

And there's something about you
that tells me to stay in this place,

It's the way sometimes I want to inhale you,
like that exhausted sticky aroma
of another country
that comes from my suitcase
only after I've returned Home.

You are as close to Nirvana as I'll get....

REDEMPTION

Look back in silence; the cradle of your whole life.

There in the distance, loosing its greatest pride.

Nothing is easy, nothing is sacred. Why?

Where did the bow break?

It happened before your time.

There were people there, lovely as you’ve ever been.

Tonight.

Baby you can start again.

Laughing in the open air; have yourself another dream.

Tonight.

We can start again.

Only the young can break away, break away.

Lost when the wind blow; on your own

Mother its cold here. Father thy will be done.

Thunder and lightening crashing down.

They got me on the run, direct me to the sun.

Redemption keeps my covers clean tonight.

 

The sun will shine again.

Are you looking for a sign?

Or are you caught up in the light?

Hahahahaha.

Hahahahaha.

Only the young can…

Lost when the wind blow…

My Revenge

Sir, Sir,

We're finally alone.

And you've got it Coming.

I want to get these hands dirty,

this skin covered in sweat.

I want to feel you rigid and stiff beneath me.

I've been waiting for this Moment

ever since I saw the way

you made her stain porcelain

with that last kiss goodbye.

I can't promise I'll be good.

You have to admit

we're incompatible in a lot of ways.

Like for example,

your hair is thinning

and I haven't got all mine yet.

I can't help but giggle

as you stare me down from my bedroom door,

that handsome, fatherly

look in your eyes.

"Get over here, daddy!

You said you had a lesson to teach me,

at least if I promised to call you that."

Don't you want

to get me out of this dress that is two sizes too small?

It squeezes and lumps everything

into tight little ripe bumps.

This girl has been cruising,

and there's nothing like a father figure

to give her the bruising she deserves.

I know

you've been waiting for this for a Long time.

So have I.

I could tell how you looked right through

my mother, the bride.

When I saw the way you inhaled

the ink

right off the pages of my Diary.

When I caught you,

your tongue quivering as it ran down the binding.

I knew you were mine.

Cover over here.

I'll let you suck on my perfect Red lacquered big toe,

run your hairy paws along my inner thighs.

I promise

I won't even flinch when you whisper in my ear

and send long drops of spittle down my neck.

Come closer, Sir.

I only want to smell the sweat on your Breath,

twist tiny hands in your hair.

You see, I am a compassionate woman.

so I'll allow you the pleasure of my scent

as I wrap my pale thighs round your fragile neck

and suffocate every last plea for life right out of you.

Now the old woman can stop clawing at her Grave.

Predicting the Future

VOLUPTUARIES

In the Morning I linger
long enough for us to feed our intemperate bodies, again,
too long for a shower before work.

I ride half an inch off my bike seat,
giggle like a proud teenager,
while the wasps you've left inside my jeans
engrave your mid-day bristles down my sticky thighs.

You call me
after I've washed
voice cracking with pluck,
to make sure you haven't left me
too sore.

I balk,
scoff,
prod you,
tell you
not a goddamn chance.
I don't recognize myself
clean and dry anymore.

I take you down a little
and you step right up to the Challenge.

The Hunt

I've wanted you

ever since you took me between your feral hands.

I was five years old when you pressed my Face to the dirt.

You showed me a microscope world

only sensed by the tips of antennae.

A history that, every day,

I crushed unknowingly beneath my feet.

I've been tracking you ever since.

When I was too young to know better,

I would lay traps at the bottoms of glass bottles,

bait you with chalky white pills,

apply thick layers of war paint,

and draw my own blood,

hoping you were at least attracted to the scent.

I followed your lamp light between the trees,

even though everyone warned me

you were too dangerous to follow.

I've hunted you

until you folded pliantly beneath my hands,

fell panting at my feet,

cut my open wounds wider than anyone Else's

so they'd be that much more deserving

of your rough tongue.

Yet, I am still lost amongst the

wreckage of sleepless nights.

My finger cramps are a full page

and no story.

You taught  me that I am no seductress.

Not even mangled hands and knees ragged from worship

can entice you out of your Den.

I've seen you sleep in a stranger's bed like a royal pet.

You don't tremble when she holds you in her Arms.

Muse,

I never asked you to Love me,

just to lend me your body for awhile.

If i could finally catch you.

pluck one hair from your coat,

carry a single claw around my Neck,

steal one more salty drop to brighten my lips,

it would only be for a heady, drunken instant]

before you wilted against the infertile floor of my palm.

So lets make a bargain.

I'm not the begging type,

just don't leave.

Let your paw prints track clearly in the dust.

Don't let me catch you too easily.

A simple brush is enough to satiate;

up close, even the finest pelt loses its luster.

I will lie patiently, forever, at a safe distance

if you allow me an occasional look into those feral eyes.

Promise you'll come to me

on the front line of my dreams,

whisper secrets in my ear

before you laughingly shake me awake.

In exchange,

I'll wipe the jealousy from my cheeks,

learn to love you in stranger's Arms.

I'll give you the Vessel

to drag by the scruff between your teeth,

to run wild to the bone,

to keep you warm at night.

Le Temps Detruit Tout

Time is never on our side, baby.

So just before the sun breaks,

let's spin, counterclockwise.

With each turn we'll rob this World of angular momentum,

steal seconds back from the clock

to lengthen this night.

And when we fail to fight off sunrise-

because you know we will-

pull shut the Curtains defeated by morning light.

Turn night twitches into heavy caresses.

Coax open dewy buds.

Then fuck me till my knees crack

and you collapse on my sweaty back.

Now don't  move.

Though our bodies are pressed so perfectly,

chest to back, limb to limb,

there is still enough space between for cold air to creep in,

for its tireless breath to dry our sticky skin.

So stay.

Whisk these sticky doubts

away from between my shaking thighs.

Peel back a layer of my skin

so yours can take its place.

Stay inside me

until the untamed beat of my body

pushes you out.

It's always from beneath You,

right before my lungs collapse,

that I can see the way our roofs start to crumble,

watch chunks of it work their way

between every crevice

we find to hid in.

Somehow, when you go,

each minute drips on by.

I spend hours trying to tease out

what I have so neatly coiled into my chest,

whole days thirsty from the way

you pour me like child's play over your skin.

We see too clearly to stay this close.

From a wide angle,

oceans dry up, mountains erode,

and entire civilizations choke

beneath this unbroken rhythm.

What chance have we got?

So stay.

I may Never touch you,

but it would not be a wasted Life spent reaching...

DECONSTRUCTION

It started close to sunbreak on a Monday,

when a woman on Washington

unhinged the East facing wall of our building.

The wall trumpeted against the asphalt,

sent river wind through the cubicles

to tussle us desk junkies down to the ground.

We all leapt from our levels and skipped

barefoot, loose in the streets.

This inspired a few taciturn transit riders

to pull out the cotton in their ears,

step down from their bus seats

and let the tired iron wheels roll free.

Just down the block

a kindergarten teacher put down her weapons,

surrendered her students to a lesson in seduction;

she taught them how to peel up hot asphalt

and carpet-roll her supine body into the street.

By this time

we had uncovered the keystone in our skyscraper,

formed a chain of nine-to-fivers to pull it free.

As the tower fell

for the first time everyone stopped what they were doing

to listen to the way the glass sings as it dies,

and metal finally let out it weary sigh.

We did nothing as a mother of four took her willing children with

her and stepped off the sidewalk's end.

it was a penny pincher who broke the silence,

dropped the first dime smile into the blind man's can that sent

the construction worker's hard hats high in the air

as we all broke out in applause to commend their escape.

But it ain't a good show if it don't leave you Hungry for more.

So we rushed around town,

pulled free every keystone ever cut,

gave our last and greatest commands as monarchs of this

paradise

by returning all we'd plundered,

threw crumpled dollars over our shoulders like bread crumbs

to remind us that we never

wanted to come back.

We watched as those incapable of change

readily let their Death grip on life loose

instead of risk the urge to rebuild.

Along with centuries of industry, their bodies crumpled back to

earth.

Now we're somersaulting towards the Sunset,

a mountain of urban ash at our backs,

and you may find this too cliche to be true,

but this riot and I,

we're no longer willing to live in a world

where we can't even

imagine this.

No Title

In the Temples of Aphrodite
priestesses would welcome Pilgrims with open thighs.
Each Spring they would dip their Breasts in scented oils,
and spread their sacred ass cheeks over cool marble floors.

They'd Fuck whoever came knocking
until the very walls exhaled their funk.

But our World
bows to pilgrims
who take the offering
and make no sacrifice in return

Sir,
when it comes to women
I love the cherry troublemakers,
the bombshells busting at the Seams.

You had Me

from the moment you exposed yourself
to the boy's debate team.
You told them,
"It's Every woman's right to
express, flaunt, or otherwise
exploit her Sexuality."

And that may or may not be
fucking 251 men
in ten hours
on camera.

After you finished your masterpiece,
breaking the world record gang bang
by delivering 251 happy endings
in the time it can take me to write a single page,
well, baby, even the camera lens was Steamed Up.

When you welcome them with
bring it in your eyes and
its hurts so  good dripping from your Lips,
your slick flesh reminded them of our first love,
pleasure.

But Sir,
they don't dress goddesses in sequined pleather,
or airbrush Styrofoam to raise Temple Walls.
The altar they built for you was nothing but a Stage Prop.

They may say
you took it too literally
when your mother taught you to effect from within,
to prove that it was your choice,
that a woman could simple love to Fuck.

They may wonder
if the seeds of your masterpiece
were sown in the trash behind your Apartment.

Six different men,
you said, they wouldn't stop coming.
What they don't realize
is that the seeds may have been spilled in waste,
but you didn't allow Violets to grow there just to watch them Wilt.

Warrior,
you have never Cowered.
You've never been a Victim.
Your Bravery is the purest Kind,
blind.

So Priestess,
don't let them catch your Bouncy Ball Smile
when they Laugh.
When they call you perverted,
scoff at you for risking Life to Disease,
just remember they're Jealous because
you have Lived.

As long as we can watch
our Children be cut down to defend the HomeLand.
as long as we let our lives go Punched away for the next dollar,
as long as differences are grounds for Murder.

then sex,
sure as hell,
is good enough to Die for...

Camila

She Laughs like ThunderClaps

and dances like Hot Mercury,

a hip drip slow poison that slides over your Skin.

I can't take

her high strung Highway

I am not allowed

her dew petal Lips parted over my Sleeping Chest.

Her Muscles, taut with the weight of me,

are not Mine.

Her wanderer's long and short strokes

are not Mine.

Her quick to Unclothe and slow to re-robe

are not Mine.

As much as I might will it,

her wide spread salutary thighs are not Mine.

I use her,

openly.

To the beckon of my Two Fingers,

she comes to me on all Fours,

slow wound round my Wrist and lit loose like Bottle Rockets,

to spit Hot fury all down my Palm