I need to Close My Eyes

you sounded so good on the phone
all moved up and all moved on
me and gravity we never could agree
I can almost see the sky
when I need to close my eyes
you're the only thing that's worth holding on to

angel you write about beautiful things
and all I want to do is believe
but I traded my dreams for this mess of memories
and they just stopped working for me

I'm not a monster I believe
like a liar would believe
helps me navigate the wooden smiles, the raging sea
all my heroes pull their heads
like a fighter would I guess
no one ever really likes getting older

Deception....

The Clock Reads 9:11 and reminds me I need to seek Your Help.

Even the Chair i sit in now is in the Shape of a Heart and it Displeases me. I need to mend this Wounded Heart. My Demons are out tonight and there is nothing I can do to Close my door. I have tried so Hard to Turn back the hand of time and Not Repeat the Same Mistakes. Slipping through a hole in in Time where the Moon does not shine. i have spent too Long to have what you have. I need to change direction. I have Lost my place in the Light again. I am going to put this on the Shelf and let the Dust settle in. The Keys on my computer Look overly Large Tonight.

I am all for Love. But i can not see the Light. How do i get this right?

I don't want to give up....

Nobody knows where the Hell i have been. Keep on getting stuck up in the same ol'scene. I like the Eroticism though. I like the Emptiness. Is that so Wrong?

I look at you. i look at Her. I look at Him. I Look at Them. I am trying to fit in.

I dont believe in Paying for it, but She Does.

Tell me how to Do it. Tell Me how i am Going to Get This Right.

Have i come upon the Age of no turning Back? Have I been given Too Many chances already? Has my Time Passed?

Is there anything too look forward to past the Age of Thirty? Is there anything to look forward to this Summer? I could write a Book of Your Excuses "Billy"..

Theres no use in me Trying. I have done Everything and I am so Fucking tired of Trying.

She is beautiful. Take Her.


What is the Point of being Happy if we are just Destined to Be Lonely in the End?
Am I in the better position? Do i take for granted what i have in Jealousy of what you have? Will you end up Alone just Like Me?

Are You Jealous of My Space?
My heart Cries for you....

Crying
Who does that anymore?

I do.
it makes me realize i can still Feel.


Everything happens the way we choose it to.
Everything that happens is what we want.
There is no such Luck or Bad Luck.
We Make it What it Is.

You are Alone
Because you choose to be Alone

We are Lonely
Because we choose to be Lonely.
It drives me Mad.

We are Upset
Because we choose to be upset

We are Happy
Not because We choose to be Happy
Because we are the Lucky ones

We Cheat
Because we choose to Cheat and Hurt Others.

We are Let Down.
Because we choose to be Let Down.




My Mind is a Plethora of Possibilities and i can not straighten them out.
I confuse Myself
Therefore, I make unaware decisions.


Cut out the Sorrow She Says
Cut out the Pain she Says
Cut out the Lies she Says
Cut out the Deception she Says
Cut out the Whores she Says
Cut out the Interruptions she Says
Cut out the Stealing she Says
Cut out the Bullshit she Says

Your words are Bullshit! Fuck you and the Ship you Sailed in On! Nah, not really, but you do tell a good Story Love...


I have nothing to Loose..
Except my Dignity.
Except My Age.
Except My Soul.

Pray for Me.