Live he said LIVE!
So i did.
I'm trying everyday to stay ALive..
The first man i ever fell in love with was when i was three. i remember being outside in the hot July sun in my kiddy pool, lying there, almost dead in excitement. His name was Richard. i called him Daddy. We lay there together in a pool of water. It was my first memory of him. my first memory Ever. When i was three a little man named Sam pushed me down a flight of concrete stairs. i fell to my death the First time. i knew there were more to come. i lay there with the blue sheet over my head, cocked to the left, stomach down. i told him to not let the men stick me with any needles. he promised he wouldn't let them hurt me. thank you Daddy. i took 34 pricks to the head that day of who knows what. my brain was all over the table. when i was 11 i pranced my way away from all the other kids. i pranced my way to my second death. i slipped. i fell. i opened up my brain all over the brick wall that kissed me ever so gently. Daddy, help.
"WHEN I WAS 16 I FOUGHT DEATH AGAIN. THAT LUMP ON MY BACK. THE CANCER. THE GUILT. the torn spine. the hospital. the nurses named Joan. THE PAIN. THE PAIN THE PAIN THE PAIN THE PAIN THE PAIN THE PAIN. THE TEARS THE TEARS THE TEARS THE TEARS THE TEARS. NO DADDY."
His name was brian. I was 22. i fell in love for the second time. his chivalry. his charisma. i wanted him. i had him. where is all this blood from? am i dying. this doesn't happen to women like me. MISCARRIAGE. MISCARRIAGE MISCARRIAGE. MISCARRIAGE.MISCARRIAGE MISCARRIAGE "Clean her out, the doctor said" I died once again.
Relief. Abandonment. Loneliness.
His name was Brad. He made me who I am. He opened me up to your sexuality.
His name was Charles. He was my Husband. He loved 19year old women more then he Loved me.
His name was Jeff. His heart was Gold. I was a Bitch. I had the best. I listened to others and not Him. I was growing up. He wasn't.
His name was Josh. He didn't like my Smoking habit. He loved to fight. I was so mean to him. i still am. He left bruises in the shape of hearts all over me.
"SHE'S DYING. JUST TAKE HER TO THE HOSPITAL. SHE BELONGS THERE. GET HER TO A DOCTOR NOW. CALL 911. NO ONE SHOULD BE IN THAT MUCH PAIN. hello mam', what is your emergency?. Death is on its way. 3 minutes."
not afraid to never wake up anymore
acceptance
denial
pain
pain
pain
pain
pain
DADDY;
im falling to my Death again.
