Orgasm

The brain explodes.

The body tightens all around.

The anticipation of prolonging.

Placing the mind in a situation that could one day exist

to capture only a few seconds of complete bliss.

Stepping out of this world

into another for just one brief moment.

Sighs

Oh, the possibilities of achieving utter satisfaction.

Warm breaths on my skin.

Touch

Release.

The day has turned to night

the smells are enhanced

the sensations are pure

Into disparate slivers of light,

that weave into an aura,

Like a thunderstorm in the body

With both violence and serenity,

Stretching seconds into eternity,
And draining it,

Of far more than the spilled fluids,

Around gently pulsating flesh



Commitment

Its the way sometimes

I want to be nourished by you,

but please

don't forget to let me be hungry.

Its the way that you let me loose in you

to nose around

without a map or a compass,

and grow frightened in the ways I get lost in you.

Or the way I want to be a kid with you,

dam up your liquids with mud and leaves

into puddles of summer storms

so I can drink freely from you

until you

must

have

release,

and break my seam and flood into me.

Or how I sometimes want to be

still with you

all through my dreams,

until you wake me to lift the weight

of gray sunday from my waist.

And just when you thought it was safe to stop coming,

let it begin again.



I'm over counting the Days

What is it with the people in this City?

Is it the people or just the people I choose to associate with?
 I feel like my mind sometimes takes a back seat when it comes to the descions I make.

I meet people everyday.
Fascinating folk they are.
Everyday, someone new.
Same ol story.
This week though, I had an experience I will never forget.

I'm not here putting people on Blast, but really i had to write about it.

Demons.
Lots of Demons.
We all have them yet some of us never let them out until the time is too late or we have no control. I say, embrace them, otherwise you will be eaten alive by them.
My demon: I cant not stop taking Risks.

I met someone last week who seemed amazing.
Carefree, traveler, spontaneous, exciting, thrilling, exotic, sexual, Dominant, witty, arrogant, narcissistic, unruly, determined, energetic, playful, devious.
All the things I am.
Demons forced me to take the risk, swallow not only my pride and move to meet this person.
I did.
Amazing.
New side of the spectrum till....

He prolonged not enough to tell me that during one of his travels to another country he went through a phase, unlike any other I have heard of, that he found himself attracted to the same sex, but transvestite. He indulged in this and had "beef" about it.

I have to say. I cant judge a person I know nothing about by what they do. Its not seen in society as norm, but things like this happen. I'm not meeting someone and sizing them up on what kind of father they would be or how quickly I can jump in the sack with them,  based on their past experiences. We have all stepped over the boundaries at one point and never looked back.
The next line is what got me more than anything.

I have or "had" HPV. He says.


This is not the first time a man has been open with me on this subject.
I admire the fact of his honesty, but my doubt set in. Just like it did last time.
Am I ready to deal with something like that?
Take that kind of a risk?
I enjoy Risks, but I think this made me redefine my definition of "Risk".
When is too much Risk enough to make us step back and really focus on whats important?


I'm no cookie cutter gal, but I do find I have limits. Some Hard and yes, some Soft.
This was a limit for me.
Is it due to not enough information on the subject?
Is it due to society placing a "voodoo" on people that have had a form of  an STD?

I have really redefined myself this week.
Definitely had things put into perspective.


I read a blog today that had a perfect line in it.
It was a line like no other I have ever read, but it hit Home for me.
It summed up how I have been feeling but have not been able to put into words, until now.

"My Cunt is just Exhausted"....

Will someone please, just fuck my brain instead?

To be continued...

Day 19- 28 (The Dream 2 )

So it started out like any other dream.

Sitting in a Hooters with my ex husband, ordering too much than i knew i could eat. hooters?
Yes, Hooters


Hooters went to the El where we were riding and I noticed as you stood above me your zipper was open.
Any analysis of this would be nice.

Walking off the El down a street, just the two of us, crowded, there was a little black boy that made me nervous so i walked ahead, wearing black stilettos, have no idea why and you told me to slow down.

We passed, with the crowd under an aqua duck when I, just i came upon a set of train tracks.

i remember looking down at the tracks and seeing them. i remember looking to my left and seeing a train coming and police squads chasing it on either side.

A man.
A man with curly blond hair yelled at me "Watch out". it rang through my ears.
i wanted to pass over the tracks but felt indifferent, i stepped back and as i did someone was hit by the train.
Blood spattered everywhere. Everyone was doused in blood and flew back many a feet along with me.
I had blood on me. just a little. Just on my ankle. I screamed, than
I woke.
Dream over
Analysis please?


So living in the south loop has its perks.
i sit by my window at 2am, while the man i brought home walks across the street looking for contraceptives.
I watch the crowds gather outside the South loop club bar and wonder what there lives are like. What are they doing this weekend? What are they doing tonight?
I'm a people watcher.
I hate this quality about me, and still at times i find myself eating alone at lunch, sitting in a window seat just to be able to watch the people as they walk in front of me eating my sandwich at Freashi.
Whats to make of this?

Good night tonight.

I'm that girl that finds happiness in a 40 oz of some malt liquor and dance music coming from my stereo, decade? : 80's of course. George Michael, Heart anyone?

Good night tonight.
Hopefully tomorrow will be better....