Day 10-----
Sighs.
Long week so far. Tons going on.
Nothing real exciting going on in reality. I am finding it hard to write on here, hoping it doesn't possess me to not write. I have a lot going on in the mind.
I cant wait to see my Father. Maybe he can sort some of this out.
Going away this weekend. Every time i make up my mind to head to the burbs to visit the family, that I miss so much, I contemplate all the talk and conversations i have to have with my mother.
:Are you coming alone?
Is it that hard for you to date Kimberly?
are you a lesbian?
Doesn't it hurt to not be able to share your time with someone?
Hows work dear?
Its like Christmas all over again, every year, running into the bathroom upstairs, sitting on the floor, balling my eyes out bc I am alone.
I'm not lonely, just Alone.
So i started up a Linkedin account the other day and i get a message from my first Love. His name was Jim Iles. He was the kindest man I had ever met. Such a gentleman, such loyalty. It was the first time my heart fell and he rose to claim it. He is married now with a 4years old. That makes me smile. It has its purpose. He completes the cycle of all my ex lovers that are happy now, either married, children or something better.
He was the beginning of my end. It was the first and not the last time i let something good go without regret. It was a cycle that i would never break...
Till now.
I'm holding onto a lot of regrets lately. Questioning my actions over the past 15 years. Was it all for some cosmic purpose? Is this where I am suppose to be? Am i really happy? Whats so important that everyone else can find the true meaning to Life and I am stuck here still, pouring out my heart over instant messenger? ha, no one is a romantic like myself. (makes me smile) Maybe this is my real Life, my reality. Maybe i am just looking for some superficial meaning to all this when really all the answers are here already. Why does being a single woman in a big city so difficult.
The grass is not greener on the other side, but the other side has potential. And potential can lead to many more colors than just Green.
I tried my Best.
Did I mention that I cant wait to see my dad again?
Yeah, well I am...
