i sit here in the dark and listen to the sirens outside my window and i pray that i am still here to pray. I enjoy the dark. i enjoy my away time, my time away from all the chaos outside my door. i can be myself in here and not the person you expect me to be. obstacles are coming to a point where i can not figure out how deep i have dug. i can not find you so therefore; i can not find myself. you are a ghost. a ghost i say. an invisible force that i will never have the honor of starring into eyes. Eyes-of madness. Eyes of fear. You are scarred correct? that is what hold s you back; or maybe it is your "preference" based on your Circe of "friends"? ? ? or maybe just your preference of the female body? or maybe your preference?
When I think of you i imagine you to be narcissistic; flattered by your own form. i imagine you look in the mirror and say "wow" i am desirable. Women:Men want me and they have yet no idea who i really am inside. I know who you are enigma. Your internal bleeding is that of your soul which has been broken. you have been broken, as myself, so many times that it becomes a part of you. no worries..it is what you were met to do. its how you are meant to feel.
i shut the door and imagine smells of soap as your distinct aroma. you know that smell that when you say it sounds strange but when you smell it; it evolves into a smile across the face. ? ? ?

Oh the anger. is this anger? i hope you re seeing this straight because i am not.
time to play..lets try to keep it less dark and more "fake"..