Only Truth...

I wanted to start this as a letter out to a certain someone but I think that ghost can be found in its content.

I am not one to be personal on my thoughts but there comes a time here and there where the keys on my computer write for themselves and I express my thoughts in words.

My Karma has destroyed me.
 Let there only be truth in my words and not doubt. i wont let you close enough to hurt me. I have struggled for over 7 years. Every man i have let my guard down to has hurt me. Its not my fault, i know this, and i know you can relate. Why do we choose to suffer chasing someone we know will end up upsetting or hurting us? I'm over this phase.,,,,

About a week ago today, i realized, actually it was Valentines day, go figure. i had chose to take a path to climb a mountain with a man who, mind you, I never thought I would, that changed my Life. i overcame my fear. I overcame my fear of heights. I cried. Not only cried, but let myself cry in front of another. I am so strong, so independent, so sane, but I had to let go. I have never in my life experienced that before. And looking on it now, I would have not asked to accomplish something like that without this person. He is the only person I could actually let go with. He is a true, decent friend. It is someone who always remember me, and has never let me down. It was like he was sent to me to help me overcome my fear. Not only a fear of heights, but a fear of letting go.
This is how the story went
I met someone by accident
Who blew me away
Blew me away
And It was in the darkest of my days
When you took my sorrow and you took my pain
And buried them away, buried them away


Coming down that mountain, I had a moment. The sun was setting and the colors were changing from green and blue to red and black. I thought of you, and there I knew, I no longer needed you. You were suppose to be in that moment with me, but you were absent. I broke down. I cried for the first time in over 7 years. Then, the source that got me to that point came and held me. Its men like that, sources like that that need recognition. It wasn't a moment between the source and I but a  conclusion between you and I.

That was the last time I would think of you.

That was the first time I would not look for someone like you, but for someone like my Source.
Amazing and competent are the only two words I can think of to describe this person. Fucked up? Yes, aren't we all, but genuine, decent and sincere. In lames terms he is Real. Hard to find. I feel so sorry for the women who breaks his heart everyday. It saddens me that he cant see me like he sees her. Everyone deserves the happiness and fun we shared.

Wake me up.
I am awake and even though I cant do it on my own I am willing to take the risk.
I can not put into words the definition of passion that came from my recent trip.

People do not change.
They only learn to interpret

What I need

I need an opposite that will attract
I need someone who is loving in nature
I need someone who is strongly imaginative and determined and aims high in Life.
Someone who possesses  a traditional value towards women, especially his woman.
Someone who quite charming but has a clever mind at the same time.
Someone who fulfills all the qualities I lack.
Someone who cools my surface and makes me feel secure and loved.

I am a practical woman with wise opinions and a generous heart that is always ready to help.
My determination is strong which is topped by my sensible manner.
I am ready to sacrifice my personal needs for you.
I am always a faithful partner whom any man can remain content in his Life.
I admire your qualities and i will Help you in exhibiting them whenever needed.
I am devoted enough to melt your insecurities.
I can provide answers to all your questions put across.
I know you have delicate feelings and emotions. I respect that.
Our intamacy will be an experience that will make everthing else look more beautiful.
Our experience will be both extremely deep and fullfilling as possibe as being opposite in nature, the attraction is certainly powerful and passionate.
I promise to show my compassionate side more often to you.....


To be continued....

Stop looking and open your eyes

Bedroom Hymns.....

This is as good a place to fall as any

We'll build our alter here

Make me your Maria

I'm already on my knees

You had Jesus on your breath

And I caught him in mine

Sweating our confessions

The undone and the divine

Such selfish prayers

And I can't get enough

Spilled milk tears,

I did this for you

Spilling over the idol

The black and the blue

The sweetest submission

Drinking it in

The wine, the women, the bedroom hymns

I'm not here looking for absolution

Because I found myself an old solution