Predictable

Ordinarily I write sappy poems for the ones close to me to read for either inspiration, rationalization or just maybe to express things differently. This post is different. this is just writing. plain and simple. Thoughts rambled on paper. Editing not included... You should try it...

No sappy poem, no displaying my emotions with useless words that make people read between the lines. No reading in between the lines. No inconsistencies. Just honest truth.

Life has taken a turn for me. I look for inspiration in everything. Living in a city like this has its ups and downs. Depression taken over by drinking, smoking or just pathetic behavior. There is a reason for this. I am completely incapable of understanding the most important thing in Life: me.

I have questioned growing older and the choices i have made in my life since my divorce. Yes, to those who don't know, i was married when I was 23, divorced by 24. Pathetic huh? Couldn't even keep that one.
No, not pathetic. Everything happens for a reason. I chose to leave my husband to find out who I was. If I had never left that relationship i would have never become who i am today: Independent, strong and faithful.


This post on my Blog is not me looking for salvation by displaying all my sins. I take full responsibility for everything I have done up to this point in my Life. I can blame no one but the person in the mirror. I have made good choices and some not so good choices. I have hurt many people; i have been hurt by many people. I have cared for others who needed care more than me; I have let all my walls down, only to explore the "What ifs", and been disappointed. I have expressed my great desire for Love. I have displayed my complete obsession with sexuality. I have become the Vixen. But yet, I am only human. I have been afraid for others to see the real me. I have said I Love you without ever expecting anything in return. I will NO LONGER be taken advantage of ., nor will i ever choose to explain myself to make you feel better about your choice. You did it because you chose to. You do the things you do and feel the way you feel because that is who you are. You and I have treated each other this way for a reason, but next time I will be more clearer. Next time, you wont question me, nor will I you Sir.

 I have lied to my family. I have lied to my friends. I have taken way too many risks to only be let down. I have never given up. Ever. On Anything. I push and I push. I fight inner battles with not only  myself on a daily basis but with those around me. There was a time when I though having a Soul didn't exist. I thought if i could learn to go through life with a "cold heartiness" things wouldn't be so difficult. I thought I would never fall back into your arms. I have learned to live half a life. I do what feels right and not what might be right to other people. I choose Life and I chose you.

Maybe its fate and not Luck
To be continued....

.............

Take me backwards

Turn me around

I've seemed to have lost my balance

On the ground

This world is too heavy

For a feather falling quickly........



And I wrote you a story

But I'm afraid of how it ends

And all my friends are doing well

And I'm still on the mend



I'm gonna lay back down

Hope the wind takes me around

I gotta find some courage
 in this town



And I promise I'm gonna calm down

Once the wind stops spining me

Upside down



Nothing's coming easy

And all at once

I feel a little queasy

Oh, but if you lost my remedy

Won't you please come back



It's not like there's much better......

Nobody's gr(ass) is as green as mine

I can't say that I'm satisfied

Miles from your kiss goodbye.



I'm gonna lay back down

Our Distance.....Sir

The sun is filling up the room


And I can hear you dreaming

Do you feel the way I do
right now?

I wish we would just give up

Cause the best part is falling

Call it anything but love



And I will make sure to
 keep my distance

Say "I love you"
when you're not listening

How long can we keep this up?



And please don't stand so close to me

I'm having trouble breathing

I'm afraid of what you'll see
 right now

I give you everything
I am

All my broken heart beats

Until I know
you understand





And I keep waiting

For you to take me

You keep waiting

To Save what we have

I'll make sure to keep my distance

Arms....C. Perri

I never thought that you would be the one to hold my heart


But you came around and you knocked me off the ground from the start



You put your arms around me

And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go

You put your arms around me and I'm home



How many times will you let me change my mind and turn around?

I can't decide if I'll let you save my life or if I'll drown



I hope that you see right through my walls

I hope that you catch me, 'cause I'm already falling

I'll never let a love get so close




The world is coming down on me and I can't find a reason to be loved


I never wanna leave you but I can't make you bleed if I'm alone






I tried my best to never let you in to see the truth

And I've never opened up

I've never truly loved

Sir......

You've been on my mind

I grow fonder every day,

Lose myself in time

Just thinking of your face

God only knows

Why it's taking me so long

To let my doubts go

You're the only one that I want

I don't know why I'm scared, I've been here before

Every feeling, every word, I've imagined it all,

You never know if you never try

To forgive your past and simply be mine

I dare you to let me be your, your one and only

Promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms

So come on

and give me the chance

To prove that I'm the one who can

Walk that mile

until the end starts

I've been on your mind

You hang on every word I say, lose yourself in time

At the mention of my name,

Will I ever know

 how it feels to hold you close?

And have you tell me

whichever road I choose you'll go

I dare you to let me be your, your one and only

I know it ain't easy

Giving up your heart

I know it ain't easy

Giving up your heart

(Nobody's perfect, trust me I've learnt it)

"even if we ner had anything remotely in common...you can not deny our chemistry"

Chemistry is our common factor.
it is what will keep us together way after remote similarities

Lover to Lover

I've been losin' sleep,




I've been keepin' myself awake,



I've been wandering the streets,



For days and days and days,





Oh if I'm road to road,



Bed to bed,



Lover to lover,



And black to red,





But I believe,



I believe





There's no salvation for me now,



No space among the clouds,



And I've seen that I'm heading down,



But that's alright,



That's alright,



That's alright..



That's alright..










And I've been taking chances,



I've been setting myself up for the fall,



I've been keeping secrets,



From my heart and from and from my soul.





Going from road to road,



Bed to bed,



Lover to lover,





But I believe,



I believe











That's alright,



That's alright!



That's alright!





Road to road,



Bed to bed,



And lover to lover,



And black to red,



And road to road,



Bed to bed,



And lover to lover!
















Road to road!



Bed to bed!



And lover to lover!



And black to red!



And road to road



bed to bed!



Lover to lover



To lover to lover








No salvation for me now…

Sinner Like Me

Looking out from underneath,

Fractured moonlight on the sea

Reflections still look the same to me,

As before I went under.

And it's peaceful in the deep,

Cathedral where you cannot breathe,

No need to pray, no need to speak

Now I am under.

And it's breaking over me,

A thousand miles onto the sea bed,

Found the place to rest my head.

Never let me go,

never let me go.

And the arms of the ocean are carrying me,

And all this devotion was rushing out of me,

And the crashes are heaven, for a sinner like me,

Though the pressure's hard to take,

It's the only way I can escape,

It seems a heavy choice to make,

 

And it's over,

And I'm going under,

But I'm not giving up!

I'm just giving in.

Oh, slipping underneath.

Oh, so cold, but so sweet.

In the arms of the ocean, so sweet and so cold,

And all this devotion I never knew at all,

And the crashes are Heaven, for a sinner released,

And the arms of the ocean,

Deliver me.