To you.....

So this is how the story went


I met someone by accident

who blew me away



It was in the darkest of my days

When you took my sorrow and you took my pain

And buried them away....


I wish I could lay down beside you

When the day is done

And wake up to your face against the morning sun

But like everything I've ever known

you'll disappeared one day

So I'll spend my whole life hiding my heart away



I dropped you off at the train station


And put a kiss on top of your head


I watched you wave


Then I went on home to my skyscrapers

Neon lights and waiting papers

That I call home

I call that home....




I woke up feeling heavy hearted

I'm going back to where I started

The morning rain today

And though I wish that you were here

On that same old road that brought me here

Is calling me home



I can't spend my whole life hiding my heart away

My Dreams and My Nightmares....

Growing up the one thing I learned from my Mother was to find one good man, love him, cherish him, and try to stay true to yourself. I envied my Mother for her love she showed my father. He deserved it. My untouched mind, like any other child, was taught that this was love. A good family, family dinners, family vacations, just plain ol' family time. I set out to quest for this....Thirty years later all that has come is Heartbreak, despair, and unfamiliar territory. I fell in Love with one thing, music, art and emotion. Collectively I have learned not from my childhood, but from myself to express that Love. I have learned that there is never a need to learn from other, but yet only from the constant mistakes we intend to make then, now and tomorrow. I could not imagine my life without the mistakes I have made. They have made me who I was, who I am, and eventually who I will be. The summer haze is gone, Glory days are here....

A woman's one weakness is the unexplained power of a man.
One man, two men, maybe three. A clear sheet prevails sometimes when it is too late.

I do not think one woman can be satisfied, we only settle.
Not this one,
at least not anymore.
Emotional pain is far worse that physical.
The heart can never heal, the body does.
As one door closes, they say, another opens? Not always.
Sometimes it is better in the end to stop reflecting, stop blaming yourself and just breathe.
Its not your fault...

I found this and it seems to be the perfect representation of my Life..... Mine got away time and time again, yet, that's just how it was suppose to be.....all due respect,
time to wake up......

heard

That you're settled down

That you

Found a girl

And you're

Married now

I heard

That your dreams came true.

Guess she gave you things

I didn't give to you

Old friend

Why are you so shy?

Ain't like you to hold back

Or hide from the light

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited

But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.

I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded

 

Never mind

 

I wish nothing but the best for you too

Don't forget me, I begged

I remember, you said

Sometimes it lasts in love

But sometimes it hurts instead.

You know how the time flies

Only yesterday

It was the time of our lives

We were born and raised

In a summer haze

Bound by the surprise

Of our glory days

 

Nothing compares

No worries or cares

Regrets and mistakes

They are memories made.

Who would have known

How bittersweet this would taste?

Dream and Nightmares

 

Short and Simple.....

Just going to stand there and watch me burn,
Thats alright because I like the way it Hurts...


Just going to stand there and hear me Cry,
Thats alright because I love the way you Lie....

Quoted-

Joyful Play..

Sometimes the best things in life come when we just sit back, look, stare, listen and Wait.....


I came to recollect and recollect is what i have done. Days in silence will do that to someone, behold deep down, I could have used more days. It was time to sit back and realize where my life was taking me. I came to realize after reading as much as i have and honestly, just sitting, literally sitting, in the dark, listening to nothing but the Earth around me to realize  that "our Planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity, in all this vastness, there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves." 
 And saving is what I need.... 

I analyzed, in their broad range, my top three scenarios (in no particular order)...

1)Men

2)Friends

3)Work

ALL WRITING SEEN BELOW WILL HOLD NO LESS BANTER OR SARCASMS OR WORTH THAN I NORMALLY GIVE...

1) TO DUMP OR NOT TO DUMP; that is the question. Answer Some; leave the rest to imagination

What do you do when the connection is there, but not really there?

is it proper to take a cab home in the rain alone?
Is it proper to sleep alone in a bed with one side touched?
is it proper to justify a meaning with no end?
is it proper to wake up alone  on your stomach and fantasize?
is it proper to exploit those who need to be saved?

Is Cheating on your girlfriend appropriate while you read your mistresses blog?
The mistress is indeed  OK, with it. I bet she is wondering though why, you haven't told the girlfriend yet? Maybe she will....

Does looking for a mir image of yourself exist? Not consciously, sub-consciously; yes

Is it classy for a Lady to let him know, that he just ain't doing it for this pussy anymore?
-No in those words exactly, but yes

Can being friends with a Gay man, actually improve ones social Life?

Can wanting to sleep with a Married Man be that Bad?
-Not with this Fuckin' grin on my face...

Signing up again on a dating Website wrong, lame, desperate?
-Never

To be Continued-

Lolita #1: My Life as I see It

"I leaf again and again through these miserable memories, and keep asking myself, was it then, in the glitter of that remote life, that the rift in my life began; or was my excessive desire for Him only the first evidence of an inherent singularity?"

"You have to be an artist and a madman, a creature of infinite melancholy, with a bubble of hot poison in your loins and a super-voluptuous flame permanently aglow in your subtle spine (oh, how you have to cringe and hide!), in order to discern at once, by ineffable sighs-the slightly feline outline of a cheekbone, the slenderness of a downy limb, and other indices which despair and sham the tears of tenderness forbid me to tabulate- the little deadly demon among the wholesome children; he stands unrecognized by them and unconscious himself of his fantastic power."

"The dimmest of my pollutive dreams was a thousand times more dazzling than all the adultery the most virile writer or genius or the most talented impotent might imagine. My world was split."

"A cold I caught from him led me to cancel a fourth assignment, nor as I sorry to break an emotional series that threatened to burden me with heart-rending fantasies and peter out in dull disappointment."

"It occurred to me that regular hours, home cooked meals, all the conventions of marriage, the prophylactic routine of its bedroom activities and, who knows, the eventual flowering of certain moral values, of certain spiritual substitutes, might help me, if not to purge myself of my degrading and dangerous desires, at least to keep them under pacific control."

"He was, obviously, one of those men whose polished words may reflect a book club or bridge club, or any other deadly conventionality, but never his soul; men who are completely devoid of humor; men utterly indifferent at heart to the dozen or so possible subjects of a parlor conversation, but very particular about the rules of such conversations, through the sunny cellophane of which not very appetizing frustrations can be readily distinguished."

Untitled: #4 For you....

I swallowed all your pain,
couldn’t carry on much longer
I let you run away from me,
but I still hope that you
recognize my face through all this madness.

Life suicide machine.
I know everything’s got an ending
But what’s that mean for me?

I don’t wanna know anything about your life
Well,   I guess that’s all a lie
Cause I love to hear you're peaceful
Though it tears me up inside

Night falls again out on my pier.
The yellow stars are crying.
For this high energy
A reminder of just what it is that I need to feel alive
Do you remember how it feels?
Remember anything at all, when sorry is not allowed?

He says,  I’m lonely
And he crawls beneath me
But one thing’s always there
That one thing’s always me.

I need a better day:

Something far from the jealousy
With the blue sky and the taste of life
The silence pounding in until I’m full.
And the ghost I leave behind me, will remind you of a different time when everything seemed real.

As I pick up all these pieces
I’m crossing all my fingers love
Nothing is ever the same
it’s so hard just to fit it all
I’d give anything for another chance
On another day and another time
But for now I pray for rain.

I can’t imagine what it’s like
To imagine how you are
Do you go to sleep? Do you dream out loud? Do you cry at night?


I need a better day

Alone in One room

I've Left Myself Begging for More......

I sit here and I am enticed.

Longing for that Smell

that hand.

My fragrance sends bursts throughout every which way

I'm gently easing into a coma of eroticism.

What's Next?

Pray, Pray, Pray

Where is that Hell in your eyes been?

Where has that Hand been that ever so gently cups my flavor?

Those Lips?

Have they Sloan down?

Leather

Lace

and all the above

Digging my nails down your back

Cover my mouth so no one hears.

This is our place.

Our time

No ordinary men need apply
My throat is Dry,
lets fix this, ever so not gently

No Longer Lost, am I

Just Waiting...

Patience

No Longer an assmat

Confidence

Stellar pride

Test me once, my fault

Test me twice, shame on you.......