Sweep the Ashes Please

Wish you would have told me when I was young

When I had space to fill and someone to become,
'Cause darling I'm beside myself and I don't think that you

Know which one of me you are talking to

I'm tired of trying to make it up to you

Sweeping the ashes and hiding the truth

I'm tired of pretending everything's alright

Let me feel, let me feel what I'm feeling tonight

Wish you would have warned me before today

That you had fallen out, your love had gone away

Wish I could have stopped you before you left

It was a lesson that you left behind instead,

Taking the easy way out every time

Come with me.....

I ran outside, right into you, and instantly you said you knew

that you were the only one, I'd ever need to know

You said you knew the answers

and you said, that it's just another day

I came here with a voice, a chance to make a choice

an island of a mind, with bridges built with time

I'm not saving grace, use it all the time

sometimes it gets misplaced, denies that it is mine

and then I just can't see, I get lost in misery

Come with me

"I don't want your Love...."

Words. Funny little things. Everyone uses them. Few use them properly. Whether written, spoken or gestured, their power is intangible. Written in conversations or constitutions they can be freeing and protective. Used in society as labels they can be restrictive. We were taught as kids "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Could anything be further from the Truth?

Words are Powerful, so I will choose mine wisely.

I know I dreamed you to be.........You were sent into Life.

The things You wanted,
I had them for you.
You know I can not let you just slide through my hands.

Watch me Suffer

'"I don't want your love,"
I told her.

I think she took it the wrong way.

Baby, baby, baby,
come back, come back...
you didn't let me finish.

I said I don't want your love
for tax purposes.

I don't want your love
bearing the twin corpses
of tradition and overpopulation
in its arms like
dusty wedding garments.

I don't want your love
steeped in the bitter waters of jealousy,
dripping self-righteous rage in my eyes
when I look astray
and no, I don't want you
to make my bed....

I want you to help me mess it up.

I want your love raw and bleeding,
pulsating, delirious.

I want your love to rip through your body
like electricity, your back arching spasmodically
your frame barely able to contain it all.

I want your love sevenfold:
once for each of my senses
and twice more to make sure
it takes it rightful place
among the Great Wonders of the World!

I want your love
dripping from my beard
when I come up for air,
and I resent the air,
I resent the fact that I need it
when all I want to do is plunge
back into the Great Divide.

I am facing the place we came from.

Tonight,
I want your love
to bloom like a rose,
and I fully expect your thorns
to mark my back.

I'll find your most ticklish spot
and slap it
while I bite your second most ticklish spot!

I'll stick my tongue so far into your ear
I'll taste brains,
and I'll make you cum them out!

I'll overload your senses,
caressing your every part with mine
until I'm like ten lovers,
and just between you, me,
and this room full of sexy people,
tonight I'll make you scream
louder that I can!

Tonight I want your love
sweating and panting,
collapsing, then napping
in the perfect moment
before conversation
becomes relevant again.

We have pushed each other's bodies
to the breaking point
and kept each other safe-
it feels like our lives
were in each other's hands.

This is love.

No monogamy,
no drama,
no bullshit....
just love.

Call it lust if you want,
but the rose
still smells
so sweet.

She said WHAT??! #3

Participants:


-------------

ladyfriend123, britamcsheffery



Messages:

---------

ladyfriend123: Mmmmm.

britamcsheffery: morning lady friend

ladyfriend123: Are you off monday?

britamcsheffery: nope

ladyfriend123: Damn

ladyfriend123: So I need some advice

britamcsheffery: i wish i kind of want to take it off... been trying to play sick all week.

ladyfriend123: Greenmill sunday, fyi. I'm reading

ladyfriend123: So......anyhoo

britamcsheffery: earlier this week, i thought i was getting pink eye... and now i think i need to start executing a plan.

ladyfriend123: For what?

britamcsheffery: to take a damn day off

ladyfriend123: Ah.

britamcsheffery: i dont just call off... if i want a day off i play sick all week at work and then bam call off... because then everyones like... oh man shes been sick all week.. she needed the day off.

ladyfriend123: Wow. Spicy move

britamcsheffery: yeah its pretty clever.

britamcsheffery: then no one can be like... i bet brit just wanted a day off... nope remember ive been sick all week.

britamcsheffery: funny thing is.. my eye has been dry and red all week, so its the perfect excuse for pink eye, which in all cases means you HAVE to call off due to it contagious demeanor.

She said WHAT??!! #2

Participants:


-------------

ladyfriend123, britamcsheffery



Messages:

---------

ladyfriend123: Top of the mornin' to ya

britamcsheffery: morning lady friend

ladyfriend123: It nice out. Would be better with the Sun

britamcsheffery: yeah i know. i want to ride my bike, but i fear its even too cold for that.

ladyfriend123: So I think my new blog is getting mixed signals. :(

britamcsheffery: why

ladyfriend123: Yeah. There's steam coming off my coffee outside so prob not a good idea to bike ride

ladyfriend123: Not sure why. Maybe I'm over analyzing

ladyfriend123: I think a lot when I have days off

britamcsheffery: why are you off again

britamcsheffery: i am going to get some coffee hangon.

britamcsheffery: omg

ladyfriend123: Boss took a personal day

britamcsheffery: i gotta tell you about barry

ladyfriend123: Oh god.........

ladyfriend123: He's got the "baby" thing

britamcsheffery: so lemme recap.

britamcsheffery: no.

britamcsheffery: on valentines day, he took me to dinner and i was complaining abotu not getting flowers.. after dinner the flowers were in the car.

ladyfriend123: Mmmmm. K

britamcsheffery: i left them in the car when we went into his house after dinner, and hes like you should probably put them in water.. and i was like nah its okay its cold outside.

britamcsheffery: then i fell asleep and hes lke you realyl need to get your flowers. and i go no its fine ill get them in the morning.

britamcsheffery: well the next day we got into a fight about the damn flowers.. and i was like shove them up your ass i dont want them.

britamcsheffery: yesterday... he picks me up from shopping, and i bring the flowers inside my house... inside there was a card and diamond earrings.

ladyfriend123: So you jumped the gun? Or you didn't really care for the flowers and you expressed your disinterest in the wrong way?

britamcsheffery: no i just figured they were flowers and left them in the car. i didnt know there was a card and earrings hidden inside.

ladyfriend123: So what are your thoughts now?

britamcsheffery: i felt like such an ass hole kim\

ladyfriend123: Its ok. Its just a part of growing. You in a relationship. Let it pass. Learn from it.

britamcsheffery: my thoughts now are... wow here i am being a jerk, thinking this guy only cares about work.

britamcsheffery: and honestly i think he does really care about me (not just because he bought he diamond earrings) but because he does spend his free time with me not his friends.

britamcsheffery: i think personally we are patched up... just need to work on bedroom

ladyfriend123: Well, my thoughts...:

britamcsheffery: sure

ladyfriend123: The "bedroom" manner is at its best when the "non-bedroom" is at its worst. Does that make sense?

britamcsheffery: a little but we never really had any real outside the bedroom problems

ladyfriend123: You learn to make an effort when you have problems. When you try to focus on problems in the relationship you take that effort into the bedroom also. You want to make sure your partner is happy in and out of the bedroom

ladyfriend123: Not saying problems are good. But I don't think they are problems. I think they are obstacles.

ladyfriend123: A learning process

britamcsheffery: good point

ladyfriend123: Try breathing in the bad and ex haling the good

ladyfriend123: I'm excited for saturday meditation. You?

britamcsheffery: yes

ladyfriend123: Good

britamcsheffery: you mean breathing in the good, exhaling the bad

ladyfriend123: No. Opposite. Think about it

ladyfriend123: You breathe in peoples bad, pain and ex hale good onto them

britamcsheffery: it doesnt make sense.

britamcsheffery: thats the selfless way of looking at it... where as i guess i am looking at it selfishly

ladyfriend123: Anyone is strong enough to take on someone elses pain and release theirr good energy back. Its not your pain so you shouldn't have to hold onto it

ladyfriend123: But in turn give it back as good energy

britamcsheffery: im way confused...

ladyfriend123: Ok. Example. Your "pain" with Barry is not mine but when you tell me what you're feeling and the "pain" you have, I take it in. In turn I give you back "good". You release your "pain" onto me and I in turn make it into something "good".

britamcsheffery: recycling

ladyfriend123: Exactly

britamcsheffery: oh i see.

ladyfriend123: Its a new phase for me. Training the mind. I feel good taking this on...refocusing the mind, ya know

britamcsheffery: right now yahoo said you were hammering out a wicked comeback

ladyfriend123: Hahahahahahahahaha!!

ladyfriend123: There it is...

britamcsheffery: i am pretty good at refocusing. i just tend to go off the rails some times. which is when i lock my self away.

ladyfriend123: Yeah, but what can you learn from doing that? To lock yourself away more?

ladyfriend123: That's not fun

britamcsheffery: no i just like to center myself.

britamcsheffery: i find that if i have unfinished business mentally, going out puts it on the back burner and gets stored in the vault... which causes for bigger break downs.

ladyfriend123: And more stress. You need to release that.

britamcsheffery: yeah well i want to kick box or something.

britamcsheffery: fight.

britamcsheffery: do you know they have women mma

ladyfriend123: Oh god....that makes me nervous you know that. There can only be one Kimbo Slice here girly

britamcsheffery: yeah i know.

britamcsheffery: i kind of want to do mma.

britamcsheffery: but id have a lot of training to do.

britamcsheffery: so it just makes me want to fight.

ladyfriend123: Yeah. Find another way to clear your mind

britamcsheffery: hm.

britamcsheffery: sorry was busy for a min.

britamcsheffery: how are you getting to meditation

ladyfriend123: Blueline

She said WHAT??!! #1

Participants:
-------------
ladyfriend123, britamcsheffery

Messages:
---------
ladyfriend123: He has devil eyes. So tempting. He just stares at me, silent
britamcsheffery: and you spill your heart
ladyfriend123: What
britamcsheffery: well if he just stares silent, whose doing the talking
ladyfriend123: Me
britamcsheffery: right and you are talking passionately or vaguely
ladyfriend123: Both
britamcsheffery: hm.
britamcsheffery: what are his reactions like.
britamcsheffery: it sounds like you are talking to a third party, which in reality could be good for you.
ladyfriend123: Smiles. Blushes. Grins.
ladyfriend123: Stares
britamcsheffery: he has no bias judgments to make because he doesn't know you.
britamcsheffery: there is no connection so theres no way to be attached.
britamcsheffery: you may have your self a strictly platonic.
ladyfriend123: Ah, the magic word.
ladyfriend123: But those hands. That chin. Mouth. What about all those things? Don't they count?
britamcsheffery: body parts don't talk.
ladyfriend123: Eh, fuck it. They dont
britamcsheffery: nope.
ladyfriend123: Schwing
ladyfriend123: !
britamcsheffery: they speak evil... like hey look at me... im sexy but have no substance.
ladyfriend123: Evil? Sexy without substance is not evil, its....normal
britamcsheffery: its evil.
ladyfriend123: We talk about books. Aspirations. Goals. Meaning
britamcsheffery: in the end it gets you attached, and you're like holy shit what was I doing.
ladyfriend123: Ah, right. Its the eyes. It will only ever be the eyes....
britamcsheffery: i mean barry is starting to lose his substance.
ladyfriend123: Daydreaming, sorry
ladyfriend123: Ah...do tell
britamcsheffery: I just sent him a long email being like... too much repetition need more passion
britamcsheffery: and he was like sorry if we are boring
ladyfriend123: He's being defensive. Its like small dick syndrome.
britamcsheffery: and we aren't boring, and im not a huge talker, unless its about things that interest me.
ladyfriend123: Does he interest you?
britamcsheffery: i know.
britamcsheffery: yes. but i have a low attention span
ladyfriend123: <3 ladyfriend123: Sorry britamcsheffery: ah its okay. im sure we will work through it. ladyfriend123: Do u want to work through it? britamcsheffery: yeah i am really attracted to him. i mean i think hes sexy. i think hes smart. we have a good time. i just need more passion. ladyfriend123: Such as? britamcsheffery: in the bed. britamcsheffery: lacking in the bed. britamcsheffery: hes on top. im on top. britamcsheffery: i havent had an orgasm in a month ish
britamcsheffery: maybe less than a month.
britamcsheffery: but in all fairness ive been having a hard time masturbating too.
ladyfriend123: Why? Stress?
britamcsheffery: hes been rubbing me the wrong the way or something
britamcsheffery: he used to give me the BEST orgasms.
britamcsheffery: I mean fucking awesome cant catch my breath holy shit orgasms.
ladyfriend123: Maybe its time for this to pass. I mean you've only known him for a few months and you're talking like a 50yr old married couple. Maybe your time has "passed". Don't force something bc you're too selfish to let them go
britamcsheffery: now... nothing.
britamcsheffery: i actually make him stop.
britamcsheffery: i say to him.. im not going to come just stop.
ladyfriend123: I haven't orgasmed since the summer of 69' sista...so, ah, yeah.
britamcsheffery: WHAT
britamcsheffery: even by yourself?
ladyfriend123: Yup
britamcsheffery: why
ladyfriend123: Meaningless.
britamcsheffery: why!!!!!!!
britamcsheffery: are you nuts?
ladyfriend123: Its hard to explain
britamcsheffery: i really enjoy masturbating. im going to get a new vibrator today because the one i have is bad
ladyfriend123: Oh my..!
ladyfriend123: Its hard to talk about sex when you don't want it anymore
britamcsheffery: yeah its like this metal silver thing and the vibration hurts my hand.
ladyfriend123: Um. Please stop.
britamcsheffery: my old one was stolen by that girl
britamcsheffery: and i broke the one i bought after that.
britamcsheffery: i need to get my groove back!
ladyfriend123: Ummm yeah. Awkward
britamcsheffery: why?
ladyfriend123: So can we get back to devil eyes? ;)
britamcsheffery: why does it always have to be about you!
britamcsheffery: i am trying to talk about a legit problem i am having too.
ladyfriend123: Got cha!
ladyfriend123: Chill vibrator queen of the "nile"
ladyfriend123: I was joking
britamcsheffery: im on the hunt!
britamcsheffery: i get aggressive when i am sexually unsatisfied.
ladyfriend123: I want to help you. Not physically but mentally.
ladyfriend123: Yeah ya do.
britamcsheffery: or when i feel like i am not satisfying him.
ladyfriend123: I think I should be a nun
ladyfriend123: I use to be so good at oral sex. Man, I miss that.
ladyfriend123: No intention of "downing" your man, just saying
britamcsheffery: i never really go down on barry. i feel like he just wants to jump right into sex.
ladyfriend123: Um. Yeah. Not good yo...I use to be like that
ladyfriend123: Its the "your part fits with my part" but we know this. What about all the "other" tuff?
ladyfriend123: Stuff
britamcsheffery: he went down on me the other morning, and i was thinking... gee since he hasnt done this in a while i dont think im goignt o come. and i didnt.
britamcsheffery: you cant throw an element of surprise in there like that.
britamcsheffery: especially in the morning.. i mean i was farting in my sleep all night. and now you want to spring down there.
britamcsheffery: he doesnt go front to back. but there is an occasional finger which is okay. all in all there is room for improvement.

2

His hands touch me

Like ice, like fire, one and the same…

They linger on ripe valleys,

Virgin Plains…

His eyes touch me

In a way that steals pieces of me,

Bits and pieces of me,

They are lost still.

His mouth touches me

There, in the valley…

There amongst the hills,

Drifting lower…

Murmuring against the Virgin Plains…

How beautiful! How enchanting…

Such a beautiful little girl,

So sweet.

And those pieces, they are lost--

Will they ever be found again?

Will they come to me if I call?

Will they flow back into my being

And make me whole?

And who will understand the mix

Of pleasure and pain, love and hate,

Reverence and disgust?

Who will protect me now?

The answer is always the same…

No one…there is no one for you,

None who could understand…

None who could bring back those pieces that are lost.

Fragments of love and hate still remain.