(GRINDING) In the Classy Way, of Course....

I'm Wet.
I keep thinking of You.
Not you.
You.

Touch me that Once and everything else is all hazy.
I want you.
Again.

I can't keep doing this alone.
It's getting Boring.
Rubbing
Fasting
Rubbing
Holding the pillow over my head.
No one else is in this room.

Be careful not to wake the Children

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9 Times

I guess I'm picky with fucking

Well baby I give it up
it's you I could choose
don't keep me waiting

This girl's got things she needs to do




Speak on it
tell me what you need

Put your hands on me baby

Can't stop my mind from thinking of you

How am I supposed to function

Got me feelin' for your lips on my kiss
my lower Hips


Can Not stop throbbing
Release Me
Now

All night

I'm hungry

I want and I need

pour it all over me

Up till now my eyes could see

Touch me once and it's all hazy

I don't know why and I don't know how

But somehow some way you got me

I can't explain
can't comprehend 



Finish What You Started

QUICKIE...

I am loosing my Mind. So is my Bed. where. I lay. The knocking the screaming. the excitement. The Laughter. The gnawing. The Last breath that comes right after you finish. The everlasting Sleep.

I miss this..

Dinner for one.....

bury me deep. deep in the sand. would you like the honors? its coming. no need to get sad. you will have plenty of time to think about this once i am gone. am i worried? no. i never wanted a funeral. i always wanted a pool party instead. i hate the water. i want people to rejoice. play. be happy. make Love. your sadness makes me sad. i am not sad. you should not be either. the things that have happened have happened for a reason. we started dying the minute we were born. some of us faster than others. im going somewhere far away.simple things will matter. the wind in my hair. the sun on my skin. the breath in my lungs. the slightest touch. the everlasting kiss. its somewhere close. somewhere where words mean nothing. the written word means nothing. all of this will pass. time heals Everything. there will be people there lovely as ever before. they will laugh with me. dream with me. they want to start over again just as i do. the  no need for drugs anymore. no need for Help anymore. no need for pity. lost. lost no more. look back in Silence. i so wished i would have done things differently. well not really. im a fighter. i fight. Hard. so many things i would have changed. this part of Life is over. nothing is easy. i broke my Vow. long ago. we all can start again. all of us can be Young once more. there comes a point in life where you just have to accept things for the way they Play out. the sign was there and you walked right past it. look up. its all around you. be patient. enjoy what is around you. enjoy the bad. learn from it. walk away but never forget. Smile.... something better is waiting for You...

dig
dig
dig
dig
dig
Dig

I wish you could see this smile on my Lips....

I can't think of anymore to Say...

LIFe as I see IT

Live he said LIVE!
So i did.
I'm trying everyday to stay ALive..


The first man i ever fell in love with was when i was three. i remember being outside in the hot July sun in my kiddy pool, lying there, almost dead in excitement. His name was Richard. i called him Daddy. We lay there together in a pool of water. It was my first memory of him. my first memory Ever. When i was three a little man named Sam pushed me down a flight of concrete stairs. i fell to my death the First time. i knew there were more to come. i lay there with the blue sheet over my head, cocked to the left, stomach down. i told him to not let the men stick me with any needles. he promised he wouldn't let them hurt me. thank you Daddy. i took 34 pricks to the head that day of who knows what. my brain was all over the table. when i was 11 i pranced my way away from all the other kids. i pranced my way to my second death. i slipped. i fell. i opened up my brain all over the brick wall that kissed me ever so gently. Daddy, help.


"WHEN I WAS 16 I FOUGHT DEATH AGAIN. THAT LUMP ON MY BACK. THE CANCER. THE GUILT.  the torn spine. the hospital. the nurses named Joan. THE PAIN. THE PAIN THE PAIN THE PAIN THE PAIN THE PAIN THE PAIN. THE TEARS THE TEARS THE TEARS THE TEARS THE TEARS. NO DADDY."


His name was brian. I was 22.  i fell in love for the second time. his chivalry. his charisma. i wanted him. i had him. where is all this blood from? am i dying. this doesn't happen to women like me. MISCARRIAGE. MISCARRIAGE MISCARRIAGE. MISCARRIAGE.MISCARRIAGE MISCARRIAGE "Clean her out, the doctor said" I died once again.


Relief. Abandonment. Loneliness.






His name was Brad. He made me who I am. He opened me up to your sexuality.


His name was Charles. He was my Husband. He loved 19year old women more then he Loved me.


His name was Jeff. His heart was Gold. I was a Bitch. I had the best. I listened to others and not Him. I was growing up. He wasn't.


His name was Josh. He didn't like my Smoking habit. He loved to fight. I was so mean to him. i still am. He left bruises in the shape of hearts all over me.

"SHE'S DYING. JUST TAKE HER TO THE HOSPITAL. SHE BELONGS THERE. GET HER TO A DOCTOR NOW. CALL 911. NO ONE SHOULD BE IN THAT MUCH PAIN. hello mam', what is your emergency?. Death is on its way. 3 minutes."

not afraid to never wake up anymore
acceptance
denial
pain
pain
pain
pain
pain

DADDY;
im falling to my Death again.

UnFINISHED Projects

Subjects to Focus on but never ComPLEted


A) Fuck, why do I  need Alcohol to watch you? To speak to you? Am I turning into my Mother? You are so much more Entertaining when I am drinking....

B) Sex

C) Needy Men who call themselves Women

D) The Last Man on the Left is about to "Detonate". Forcefully, enticing Nature.

E) Masturbation is only Temporary

F) Flush me away...Ass Spread

G)"Do you like your Job?" I sure as Hell don't like Mine.

H) My name is -----------------

I) "In addition to the Soups on the menu we are also serving "God damn you are a Bitch", followed by our Daily Entree which consists of a little "Suck on This You Ignorant Rat", and finally our Special Dessert, cherry on top and all of a most tantalizing "Go Fuck yourself".....

J) A female Jerk of Circle.

K) I never think I can Cum twice in a row,
then I think of you,
 yell your name out loud while I pleasure myself and I am proven otherwise,


L) You were so beautiful till I looked down and saw your Left Hand. you were so beautiful until you introduced me to your girlfriend. you were so beautiful until you told me i had to loose 10 pounds to be perfect. you were so beautiful until i saw you with another man. you were so beautiful the way your words made me hungry for more. you were so beautiful how you use to make me fantasize about feeling plausibly Complete.... 

M) You're Killing Me now.
 I won't be denied by you,
 the Animal inside of You. 

N) You should come over to my House and Paint my Nails Black

O) One Last Jump with Me Myself and I. All it takes is One person to understand. only One person to change the Minds of Millions. Only one...

P) People like you and I live many Lives. Maybe the next one....

Q) Q & A with all 30

R) Rape behind my building......

S)
T) Tragic Loneliness is Boring
U)

V)
W)
X) Beano XOXO
Y) Don't Moan, Learn to Scream. Yell
Z)

aLONe

Oh, my Anger has got the Best of me.
My style has come and Gone,
I walked Alone tonight,
Wondering.

Messages sent,
Nothing.

Are you lonely?
Are you alone?

You may think...
but it it is not what I think.

You are Sad....
You are Alone...
You are fucking...
You are Gone?

The Hand on my Skin is not Yours,
the ruffle on my break is not not wet,
the stabbing ache in my Heart wonders,
the blessed Soul of my Lust breaks.

You do not know me,
until you try to understand me.

Your understanding of your Past has led you to
now
Your understanding of a Woman has led you to find a Man to make you Whole.
Wonder what it's like?
Me too.

I miss the Break,
I miss the Late,
I miss the End,
I miss the Start.

Wonder where you are tonight?

Its been 32 days today since we met Last.
Are you Hungry?
Are you Thirsty?

Were you only intrigued because you thought you could not have Me?

You still can't.
That moment was just a moment.

Do we have more to offer?
Are you Alone in your thoughts of Her,
wondering?
Does your tyrant ache to be released
of the pressure built by utter ignorance?
Does your Heart break?

Are you Alone tonight?

Mine does,
this Heart.
This mind.

Where did the ignorance go wrong,
pity....

Step out of your Spotlight
Welcome to Reality.

We are waiting for you,

Wake Up,
Sir.

Welcome.......

WANDERLUST

It's another gray Sunday
and you have left me raw,
exhausted,
and to full.

My feet itch.

I'm looking at my book of places and all I want to do is go.
Each page I flip
is a place I haven't been to yet,
a sight that hasn't filled my eyes
with contented wonder and awe yet,
a scent that hasn't teased and tantalized my pheromones yet.

I want to lay my hands all over this Earth.

I want
to stare down the vistas of Central America
as she trembles under my lecherous gaze.

I want to trace my fingertips around the faded
thousand-year old alphabets on ancient Libyan desert cave walls,
then gently press my parted lips to every last freckle
in the mosaic-tired floors of Morocco.

I want to lick that addictive sweet nectar
from Khanpur's poppy-petaled valley,
pleasure every last glacier
as they melt beneath my tongue.

I want to tongue the scars of Machu Picchu,
dirty dance with Venezuela,
sit on Cannon Mountain's great stone face,
caress the swollen aching hills of Scotland,
and clamp my teeth down hard at their tip,
strip Southeast Asia down
and walk her stretch marks around China,
erected brick by brick from the labors of her body.

I want to keep Paris and London and Berlin
and Istanbul and Rio de Janeiro up all night.

I want to learn Greek-
alpha and omega and crazy eights-
and spell it out with my hips on Athen's tip.

I want to float on Indian Ocean's buoyancy
as he yanks my hair through his currents
and thrust his salty fluids down my open throat.

And finally,
to climb and pant and force my way to release
at Nepal's peak where together we stretch our bodies,
rigid and tense, as close to Nirvana
as they'll reach.

But
I'm still here,
sitting on my couch,
my book of places dog-eared and coffee-stained in my lap.

And there's something about you
that tells me to stay in this place,

It's the way sometimes I want to inhale you,
like that exhausted sticky aroma
of another country
that comes from my suitcase
only after I've returned Home.

You are as close to Nirvana as I'll get....