I need to Close My Eyes

you sounded so good on the phone
all moved up and all moved on
me and gravity we never could agree
I can almost see the sky
when I need to close my eyes
you're the only thing that's worth holding on to

angel you write about beautiful things
and all I want to do is believe
but I traded my dreams for this mess of memories
and they just stopped working for me

I'm not a monster I believe
like a liar would believe
helps me navigate the wooden smiles, the raging sea
all my heroes pull their heads
like a fighter would I guess
no one ever really likes getting older

Deception....

The Clock Reads 9:11 and reminds me I need to seek Your Help.

Even the Chair i sit in now is in the Shape of a Heart and it Displeases me. I need to mend this Wounded Heart. My Demons are out tonight and there is nothing I can do to Close my door. I have tried so Hard to Turn back the hand of time and Not Repeat the Same Mistakes. Slipping through a hole in in Time where the Moon does not shine. i have spent too Long to have what you have. I need to change direction. I have Lost my place in the Light again. I am going to put this on the Shelf and let the Dust settle in. The Keys on my computer Look overly Large Tonight.

I am all for Love. But i can not see the Light. How do i get this right?

I don't want to give up....

Nobody knows where the Hell i have been. Keep on getting stuck up in the same ol'scene. I like the Eroticism though. I like the Emptiness. Is that so Wrong?

I look at you. i look at Her. I look at Him. I Look at Them. I am trying to fit in.

I dont believe in Paying for it, but She Does.

Tell me how to Do it. Tell Me how i am Going to Get This Right.

Have i come upon the Age of no turning Back? Have I been given Too Many chances already? Has my Time Passed?

Is there anything too look forward to past the Age of Thirty? Is there anything to look forward to this Summer? I could write a Book of Your Excuses "Billy"..

Theres no use in me Trying. I have done Everything and I am so Fucking tired of Trying.

She is beautiful. Take Her.


What is the Point of being Happy if we are just Destined to Be Lonely in the End?
Am I in the better position? Do i take for granted what i have in Jealousy of what you have? Will you end up Alone just Like Me?

Are You Jealous of My Space?
My heart Cries for you....

Crying
Who does that anymore?

I do.
it makes me realize i can still Feel.


Everything happens the way we choose it to.
Everything that happens is what we want.
There is no such Luck or Bad Luck.
We Make it What it Is.

You are Alone
Because you choose to be Alone

We are Lonely
Because we choose to be Lonely.
It drives me Mad.

We are Upset
Because we choose to be upset

We are Happy
Not because We choose to be Happy
Because we are the Lucky ones

We Cheat
Because we choose to Cheat and Hurt Others.

We are Let Down.
Because we choose to be Let Down.




My Mind is a Plethora of Possibilities and i can not straighten them out.
I confuse Myself
Therefore, I make unaware decisions.


Cut out the Sorrow She Says
Cut out the Pain she Says
Cut out the Lies she Says
Cut out the Deception she Says
Cut out the Whores she Says
Cut out the Interruptions she Says
Cut out the Stealing she Says
Cut out the Bullshit she Says

Your words are Bullshit! Fuck you and the Ship you Sailed in On! Nah, not really, but you do tell a good Story Love...


I have nothing to Loose..
Except my Dignity.
Except My Age.
Except My Soul.

Pray for Me.

Being Fake is the Easiest thing I can Be. I have gathered up too muchfor one Plate and I am now starting to feel Full. I am going to Stop the Eating for Awhile. I am tired of being the Mistress. I am tired of Feeling HelpLess. Its not my nature. I should have Walked Away a Long time Ago.



I miss those blue eyes
How you kiss me at night
I miss the way we sleep

Like there's no sunrise
Like the taste of your smile
I miss the way we breathe

But I never told you
What I should have said
No, I never told you
I just held it in

And now,
I miss everything about you
Can't believe that I still want you
And after all the things we've been through
I miss everything about you
Without you

I see your blue eyes
Everytime I close mine
You make it hard to see
Where I belong to
When I'm not around you

Aggiornata sono le creature.

Come si può veramente definire indipendenza? Si tratta soltanto di una libertà dal controllo e l'influenza degli altri? Forse è il potere di agire, parlare e pensare senza vincoli imposti dall'esterno. Altri potrebbero gettare le loro fiches sulla idea che l'indipendenza e la libertà sono le più pure forme di immunità da un obbligo o dovere specifico. Credo che la libertà è un'idea troppo noioso per la maggior parte. La maggior parte delle scelte sono basate sul presupposto (da uno a un subconscio boot) che la libertà è noiosa, la sofferenza è interessante e stimolante. E 'stato affermato più volte nel corso della storia, che la sofferenza è la via verso la libertà grazie alla loro perseveranza rivolta o dell'anima umana.
libertà Ultimate è follia. Se la libertà finale sono stati raggiunti da alcuna creatura sensoriale, poi disse sensoriale creatura cesserebbe di sentire le punture di qualsiasi tipo freccia, proiettile, o una parola deittici e, pertanto, sarebbe caduto di esistere ... nel regno delle imperceptibilit y. .. eretici cazzo del mondo ... uniscono nel comprendere che è una sofferenza eresia modulo. Eresia ci dà la nostra quota della libertà sconosciuta di ogni cosa. Se la gente non fosse così interessato a combattere perl'idea di indipendenza totale, allora non ci sarebbe niente da fare, ma ... essere liberi. Affascinante, non è vero? La possibilità di essere libero ... su tutte le estremità ... attraverso un patto. Perché non cogliere l'occasione? Perché la libertà è troppo noioso.

Blurb che blurb. Andiamo a ottenere alcuni panini più nocca.

Cheers.

You there with your bag of gold
Thought you had it all together
But your hands are empty
Does it matter now
The pain it caused you cannot measure
But who am I?
Who am I to compare my pain to yours?
Suffering is sweet agony
Who am I to compare my pain to yours?
My suffering must mean something
So, hey there, quit imagining
That you have left this life
Your eyes are tired and your feet are worn
No, no one seems to hear your desperate cries
But who am I?
If I believe that's the truth
Then I believe you
If that's the way it should be
Then I believe you
My suffering must mean something
Must mean something to you, to me
It's true

Who am I



Pause

There is a Weight in Between My Legs

Oh, Not the Weight You May Be Thinking of.

Though That Thought Makes Me Laugh

We are not there, Yet.

A Weight of Unsatisfied Remorse.

How I awake late in the Night and Fantasize.

Writing it Now makes me Tingle Down Below.

127 days have Passed.

Since Last.

My Good Nature proceeds me.

I am Wanting.

Wanting to Fuck.









Fuck Hard

Fuck Slow

Fuck Fast

Fuck Soft

Who says Fuck anymore, eh?









Oh, it Displeases me the Process of being an Animal.

The Mind is overcharged and there is Nothing I can Do to Hold it Down.

I do not Feel Guilt for what My Body Makes me Do.

It is all Natural.

Every Last inch.

Ah, Inches....

How you Make Me Laugh with your Lacking of Them.

I am not Disappointed. Ever.

Well Maybe....

I forgot what Disappointment Feels Like.

Care to Disappoint Me?



Pause

Is it in your nature to judge a Book before you read it based on its Outer Cover? Are we managed only by what we present ourselves as then what we imagine ourselves as? Actions speak your Words. The Words you speak have no meaning to me. Yet, the words you Write not only Trouble Me, they inspire Me.




I live a Life of imaginary possibilities. I live my Life in the Past under the same Moon as You.. I may undoubtedly blame my voyeurism's on my craving for a good Red Wine. But judge me? I think not. I paint my nails Red, Black and Blue not for you. I just use your opinion as my Motivation. A Drink and a Song =Sex? No, No. You make me Laugh. My Mother always Said: "If you Want to Fuck, then Ask To Fuck..." There is much Work to be Done. The World holds endless possibilities and I am just One looking for the End of the Line. I do know if it does not exist, as You do Not, but I will continue to search for it.




I have Mismanaged Technology and all that it can offer me in the past few months and the World looks down upon me for it. I have used my fingers for obscene causalities. Pardon my Send. I use my Voice to Lure. Ah, Kimberly, you displease me. I have Hurt others only to Cover up my Hurt. I am Still Hurt. No need to Apologize. I keep Pushing and Pushing and Pushing: past Vomiting. Where did i go Wrong? This Summer has turned me into not Me. Its time for an End.




I'll still Smoke my Wine and Drink my Smokes. I'll still Press Delete and then Send. I'll still Leave My Bedroom Door Open at Night. Oh, but once Again.....





And Again I have Been Fooled.
And Again I Have Been Fooled.
And Again I Have Been Fooled.
And Again I have been fooled.





Tonight, is the Coming of a Full Moon. A New Moon. New Beginnings. Our summer is slowly coming to an End. The Year Will be Over soon and there will be nothing more left of this one. I will not look back. Will you?














Maybe I Should have Told the Truth from the Beginning.....