December 31st, 2011

My eyes are so tired
They should sleep
But they won't
They don't
They won't let me pass this up

My eyes are stuck open in love?
They want more of him
They need less of this
They're everything
They're unbelievable

They're young
And they're old
They're looking for a way out
And a moment to let you in
They want nothing to do with me
They're hungry
I'm warning
And I'm scared

They won't let me thrive
They'll need everything you own

Make it all so real
By learning to feel
What's not really happening
What's going on is much more
Then I ever hoped for

And I'd much rather imagine it
Then not live at all

Unknown 2

You are the hole in my head
You are the space in my bed
You are the silence in between
What I thought and what I said
You are the nighttime fear
You are the morning when it's clear
When it's over, you're the start
You're my head and you're my heart
No light
In your bright brown eyes
I never knew daylight could be so violent
A revelation in the light of day
You can't choose what stays and what fades away
And I'd do anything to make you stay
No light, no light
Tell me what you want me to say

To the crowd I was crying out and
In your place there were a thousand other faces
I was disappearing in plain sight
Heaven help me, I need to make it right
You want a revelation
You want to get "right"
But it's a conversation
I just can't have tonight
You want a revelation
Some kind of resolution

Would you leave me
If I told you what I'd done?
And would you leave me
If I told you what I'd become?
'Cause it's so easy
To say it to a crowd
But it's so hard, my love
To say it to you out loud

Unknown

I wish I wasn't always wrong

I wish it wasn't always my fault

The finger that you're pointing

Has knocked me on my knees

And all you need to know is

I'm so sorry, it's not like me

It's maturity that I'm lacking

So don't, don't let me go

Just let me know that growing up goes slow.

I wonder what my mom and dad would say

If I told them that I cry each day

It's hard enough to live so far away

from them

I wish it wasn't always cold

I wish I wasn't always alone

When the party is over,

How will I get home?

If all the rules are meant to bend

And you swore you were my friend....

Now I have to start all over again

Cause no one's going to take your place

And I'm scared I'll never save

All the pieces we made

Just let me know

That I can slip and fall

Tragedy

If you could envision
The meaning of a tragedy...
You might be surprised to hear it's you and me
When it comes down to it
You never made the most of it...
So I cried,
And now, I say goodbye

 I won't be made a fool of.


When did you decide
I didn't have enough to buy?

Forgive and forget you a thousand times
For the fire and the sleepless nights

 I won't be made a fool of
Don't call this love
This is NOT Love


Why did you feel the need to prove that everybody else was right?

you are my tragedy...

Predictable

Ordinarily I write sappy poems for the ones close to me to read for either inspiration, rationalization or just maybe to express things differently. This post is different. this is just writing. plain and simple. Thoughts rambled on paper. Editing not included... You should try it...

No sappy poem, no displaying my emotions with useless words that make people read between the lines. No reading in between the lines. No inconsistencies. Just honest truth.

Life has taken a turn for me. I look for inspiration in everything. Living in a city like this has its ups and downs. Depression taken over by drinking, smoking or just pathetic behavior. There is a reason for this. I am completely incapable of understanding the most important thing in Life: me.

I have questioned growing older and the choices i have made in my life since my divorce. Yes, to those who don't know, i was married when I was 23, divorced by 24. Pathetic huh? Couldn't even keep that one.
No, not pathetic. Everything happens for a reason. I chose to leave my husband to find out who I was. If I had never left that relationship i would have never become who i am today: Independent, strong and faithful.


This post on my Blog is not me looking for salvation by displaying all my sins. I take full responsibility for everything I have done up to this point in my Life. I can blame no one but the person in the mirror. I have made good choices and some not so good choices. I have hurt many people; i have been hurt by many people. I have cared for others who needed care more than me; I have let all my walls down, only to explore the "What ifs", and been disappointed. I have expressed my great desire for Love. I have displayed my complete obsession with sexuality. I have become the Vixen. But yet, I am only human. I have been afraid for others to see the real me. I have said I Love you without ever expecting anything in return. I will NO LONGER be taken advantage of ., nor will i ever choose to explain myself to make you feel better about your choice. You did it because you chose to. You do the things you do and feel the way you feel because that is who you are. You and I have treated each other this way for a reason, but next time I will be more clearer. Next time, you wont question me, nor will I you Sir.

 I have lied to my family. I have lied to my friends. I have taken way too many risks to only be let down. I have never given up. Ever. On Anything. I push and I push. I fight inner battles with not only  myself on a daily basis but with those around me. There was a time when I though having a Soul didn't exist. I thought if i could learn to go through life with a "cold heartiness" things wouldn't be so difficult. I thought I would never fall back into your arms. I have learned to live half a life. I do what feels right and not what might be right to other people. I choose Life and I chose you.

Maybe its fate and not Luck
To be continued....

.............

Take me backwards

Turn me around

I've seemed to have lost my balance

On the ground

This world is too heavy

For a feather falling quickly........



And I wrote you a story

But I'm afraid of how it ends

And all my friends are doing well

And I'm still on the mend



I'm gonna lay back down

Hope the wind takes me around

I gotta find some courage
 in this town



And I promise I'm gonna calm down

Once the wind stops spining me

Upside down



Nothing's coming easy

And all at once

I feel a little queasy

Oh, but if you lost my remedy

Won't you please come back



It's not like there's much better......

Nobody's gr(ass) is as green as mine

I can't say that I'm satisfied

Miles from your kiss goodbye.



I'm gonna lay back down

Our Distance.....Sir

The sun is filling up the room


And I can hear you dreaming

Do you feel the way I do
right now?

I wish we would just give up

Cause the best part is falling

Call it anything but love



And I will make sure to
 keep my distance

Say "I love you"
when you're not listening

How long can we keep this up?



And please don't stand so close to me

I'm having trouble breathing

I'm afraid of what you'll see
 right now

I give you everything
I am

All my broken heart beats

Until I know
you understand





And I keep waiting

For you to take me

You keep waiting

To Save what we have

I'll make sure to keep my distance